Ace and Anxious | Short Film

Ace and Anxious | Short Film


[music] Ready? Hey there sexy. Heard you’re looking to party It’s for a condom manufacturer. They’re trying to tap into
the sex positive market. And they sent you all this
information to pull from? Nah, they just sent me a page
of statistics. This is all my personal research. Oh no. A condom company hired me an outspokenly asexual graphic designer to design them an infographic
on the benefits of sex. Okay, yes, we spoke about this last week. Do you know how much oxytocin
is released during an orgasm? I couldn’t put a number on it
but I’ve heard- What if sex can cure my anxiety? What happened to your
‘outspoken asexuality’? Ugh, I’m overwhelmingly anxious. Overwhelming beats outspoken. Okay… Emma, your knee. Look at this. This is a study from 2010 on rodents. Researchers found that the rats who “got some” exhibited less stress behaviors than the rats who were kept celibate. Celibacy is a choice. Asexuality isn’t. We’ve been through all of this, Emma. Over a year ago. Listen! They also found that the sexed-up rats had brain protection from the negative effects of stress hormones. So what you’re saying is… I placed an ad. I’m Dave. I’m a personal trainer… Oh! And I’m a Libra. Hi Dave. I’m Emma. What makes you think you’re
qualified for this position? I’m qualified for EVERY position. I’ve had a lot of sex. How many partners
would you say you’ve had? Ballpark figure. Like… at least thirty. Wow, that’s a lot. Would you say you’re good at
giving a woman pleasure? Oh yeah! If you need someone to
fuck you into liking sex I’m your guy. That’s… I’m sorry. I thought the ad was clear. I’m asexual. “Ace.” Yeah. Yeah! And I will definitely make you… not that! Emma! Don’t say my name like that. Craigslist?? Is there a better website? I can’t exactly put it on Facebook. Do you know what kind of people are going to respond
to an ad like this? Yeah, but there has to be one
or two people in New York who want to help a
nice, ace girl with the crippling
anxiety disorder! People? Men, preferably. But if this search goes poorly I might open up the ad to women. I didn’t realize you were romantically
interested in women. I’m not. But I’m also not looking for a partner. I’m looking for a one-night stand to potentially inform my ongoing attempt to curb my anxiety with
no-medication remedies. Have you considered masturbation? I already tried that. [music] [vibration] I tried three nights in a row. It was… I don’t think I did it right. You know, there are specialists… [interrupting] I watched a video. From a scientific perspective… I know where to go. But it was just so weird. I got self-conscious. I know that sounds dumb since I was alone, but… I figure, I get someone with more experience into the mix who can talk me through it and help me from an enjoyment perspective rather than an analytical one. And you think this will help cure your anxiety? I think it’s a treatment option that comes
naturally to other people that I want in on. Let’s brainstorm, then. What about a sex surrogate? It would be safer… [interrupting] And crazy expensive! I can barely afford you and
we’re fully clothed for every session. I’m taking references, though. We’re not just gonna throw down
right then and there. Did you bring a recommendation? [bad British accent] Of course. What would you say your average time is to get a woman to climax? I know you already placed the ad but I am really not comfortable with you being alone in a room with strangers wanting to have sex with you. From Craigslist. I’m not gonna be alone. Kevin’s gonna be my bouncer. Your roommate? Yeah. We got an audition space
and he’s gonna stand outside the room and greet people. We’re gonna take a 10. How’s it going? The pickings are slim. Yeah, well, it’s not exactly a
straightforward situation. The kind of people
you’re looking for are probably not the same ones trolling
Craigslist for hookups. I know, but I don’t know how else
to approach this. Date? I don’t wanna have
sex with someone I’m dating. Ok, well, then… how about someone you already know? Someone you already trust? Wouldn’t that be weird? Weirder than asking guys from Craigslist about their average orgasm
timing and frequency? Well do you have someone in mind? No. Why not? You’re my roommate! How convenient!
I already know where you sleep. [voice through door]
Me too! Kevin, your roommate,
who you have a crush on? Recovering crush. I’d say I’m over the brunt of it, but yes. Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, I don’t know that many people in the city. And he already said he’d do it. I’d like to at least consider
adjusting your medication- [interrupting] I don’t need more drugs! Ok, I probably need more drugs. But my panic attacks are getting worse and last week I lost a client because of one. And I don’t think I can afford medication AND therapy for much longer so I figured sex would be
cheaper and easier to acquire. You didn’t tell me that your
panic attacks were back. Yeah. Big ones, too. You realize that the
last time that this happened… It’s not Kevin. It’s not! We’re solidly in the recovery stage for that one. He doesn’t wash his towels enough. How often does he wash his towels? I don’t want to talk about it. Well let’s get back to your panic attacks. They’re really starting to piss me off. How do I fix something that has no tangible trigger? Medication, generally. Or…. Listen. You know me. You’re already comfortable
with me as a person. And I am 100 percent less likely to murder you before, during, or after than anybody you’ve met today. Still no. So you’d rather sleep with some
Rando Calrissian than with me the guy who
accidentally saw you naked and didn’t make it weird at all? You’re making it weird right now. Emma- I can’t, Kevin. Why not? I just can’t, okay? Send in the next guy. It’s just so unfair. What, specifically? All of it. It’s like, I spend all this money
on medication and therapy and avoiding triggers and even with all that… Boom! Panic attacks! Everything hurts for no reason, hooray! And then I find out how
sex can help which makes things more complicated. I’m too asexual for this
much anxiety, you know? It just doesn’t seem fair. So you placed an ad. So I placed an ad. I figure, if I make a fool out of myself
in front of a total stranger… the repercussions are limited. No. Wait. I want to talk about this. Why not me? I mean, I don’t want this to come off like I’m pressuring you for sex or anything. Because I’m not, obviously. You’re my friend and you’re comfortably ace and I respect that entirely. But if it’s purely
for scientific curiosity… It wouldn’t be. What? It wouldn’t be for scientific
curiosity if it were you. Because you’re worried it would
change our relationship? Because I’m worried that it won’t. And I’m also worried that it will. If you realize that you like me too and we start a romantic relationship by having
sex then that skews what you can expect from having a relationship with me. Some aces have sex in committed relationships and they’re perfectly fine. Or they do it
on special occasions. But because I’ve never done it I can’t make those kinds of promises. And I know I’m not obligated to but I still don’t want to rule it out
or get your hopes up. And also there’s the problem of… you know, all this anxiety/ sex
research aside. That if we do start dating I’m depriving you of something I
know you like. You’re pansexual! You have an infinite amount of sexual options except for straight men and aces. And of course I would be one of those options and be completely- Completely what? That’s not the point. The point is, no. I appreciate your offer but I’m gonna have to decline
your proposal of sex. Fair enough. You want me to send the next guy in? No. I am already stressed out
more than my usual state and I’m not even naked yet. You know, you actually don’t have to be fully naked to have sex. That’s what you’re taking away from this? Sorry. I’ll tell them to disperse. Running could work too. What? I’ve been doing some of my own research. Sex helps with anxiety
because it releases endorphins but most vigorous physical activity
will do that too. I guess. We could do it together. Run. That way you get the emotional connection and the endorphins without having to exchange bodily fluids. You want to emotionally
connect while we run? I’d like to think we just
generally emotionally connect when we hang out. You know, being best friends and all. You promise to keep your
bodily fluids to yourself? On my future grave, God rest my soul. I’ll get over it, you know. You’re referring to me as an “it” so sounds like you’re on the right track! You want to get tacos? Obviously. Do you think that guy actually
knows where you sleep? I used a fake name in the ad… This one’s my favorite.