Basically, I have been in Edinburgh all week, as me and Phil have been filming behind the scenes videos for Radio One, and the other day we were invited to go on The Scott Mills Show to play a game called ‘Innuendo Bingo’. This is basically a very rude game where you get quite wet, and … I’ll let him explain it. Dan: Okay, so for the internet, who don’t have a clue, can you quickly explain the concept of Innuendo Bingo? Scott: Ok, so, um, our listeners send in clips of stuff that sounds a bit rude, from the tv or radio, Then, two people, i.e. you and Phil (Daniel: Yep), will sit, um, across from each other, You will fill your mouths with water and then, uh, when you hear the clip obviously, its generally quite rude- sounds like it could be rude- D: Yeah … S: Then the water flies out of your mouth, generally all over the other person. D: Ok, but we try to not… sort of … S: Yeah, the idea is to keep … D: Ejaculate the water … S: yes, yes, so the idea is to keep the water in, but that rarely happens. D: Ok so there is going to be slow motion clips of me and Phil getting each other wet? S: Totally, Cool! D: Ok well the internet should enjoy this. *dramatic sound effect* S: A lot of you love their videos on the internet. Now you can see them on the internet like you’ve never seen them before! S: It’s AmazingPhil and Danisnotonfire! Hi! D&P at the same time: Hello! S: So this is your first time playing innuendo bingo? D: It is indeed. S: You’ll be pleased to know we have an added feature for this week only, S: We have added slow-motion action replays. D: Oh, good. P: Ooh … D: Great. S: Like Match of the Day, so when there’s a really good spurt of water, you’ll see it again, at half speed. D: Oh good. S: Let’s… D: Ready to be immortalised as a gif forever. S: *laughs* S: Let’s play the game! S: Get ready to witness the wetness, it’s Innuendo Bingo, live from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe with Dan and Phil happening now ! [Really extra dramatic music] S: Okay boys, you know how this works? P: Yeah D: Yup S: You need to put a lot of water in your gobs today. P: Ok, here we go. S: Okay S: Hello if you’re watching on the website, or the BBC red button on actual telly ! woman off-screen: they’re properly going for it! S: Wow, yeah, they really are. off-screen laughing // S: Okay. S: So it’s classic innuendo bingo clips this week, S: Some you may have heard before, some may be new to you ! S: Are you ready? S: Don’t hold back, there is a bin there. S: Just use each other as targets- P: *spits water* S: *laughing* Oh, no. S: Phil’s gone already Woman: Fill back up, Phil. P: If someone tells me not to laugh.. S: I know.. P: It’s the first thing I want to do..! S: It’s fine.. this is going to take a while, but I quite like it. S: Ready? S: And now, over to T.V.’s , Phil Spencer! Tape: “Today I’m nursing a semi-” D: *spits water* P: * spits water as well* Woman: Dan got it on himself!! S: Oh, Dan! D: Oh, noo! S: You can tell you’re a beginner! S: Ok..! S: I don’t know where this next clip is from, but it is one of my faves. S: Ready? S: More water, please! S: And.. Woman: Phil looks like he’s going to be sick! S: Are you alright, Phil? S: Do we- do you need assistance? S: Ok.. S: Here we go! Tape: “Now Rodgers pressuring Tina to let him fix it today” “by pumping some of his ‘sPeCiAl FlUiD’ into her pipes” P: *spits water* S: Phil’s lost it! S: Dan, I think, is holding.. S: Well.. P: How did you hold that?! S: See if he holds in this one.. Tape: “I will be spending tomorrow building a brand new barbecue” “having some friends over for late afternoon nosh in the garden D: *spits water* S: Dan, [ stuttering ] there’s a constant.. little.. uh dribble out of his mouth. S: Either spit it or not, yeah? D: It’s so hard to keep it in! S: That was hard, that was good, well.. well played S: More water, please! S: Are we good? D: My chest is in pain.. S: Sorry S: Hello if you’re watching on the website or red button. S: And now, over to the tennis! Tape: “Very talented French players, been very high in the rankings. Tape: Actually has a winning record over Venus, so she likes balls that come hard to her but unfortunately (Laughter) Tape: some off court issues, some personal problems have really plagued her since January” P: “All over my face!” [Inaudible Laughter] S: “Excellent sprayage there, Dan, really good.” Woman: “That was a classic, that one.” P: “That was worse than I imagined.” S: “I know! That is a good one!” [Laughter] D: “Oh no!” S: “Ok.” S: And, um. D: How did that even go there? S: It’s all fine. D: I’m so wet right now. S: I’m just playing these at random, so it’s a surprise for me as well, which I like. S: Okay, oh!
D: Oh no. S: Let’s go over to Philip Schofield… S: On The Cube. Tape: *metallic sound effect* “There you go, you can pick up the ball…” Tape: “See how it feels.” Tape: (other person) “Ooh. Bit…” Tape: “How does that feel?” Tape: (other person) “Got.. quite a good weight on it. Phil: *spits water*
Off-screen woman laughs. S: Phil’s off. S: Done some more? P: Mmhm Tape: Then later, the television presenter who put willies up more people than I’ve had hot dinners… Tape: [??]
*laughter* D: Hahaha this is good
P: O-oh no! S: *laughs* Okay. Let’s continue! S: How wet are you now on a scale of 1 to 10- oh yeah, it is quite wet. P: I feel like i’ve been in the sea or something. D: My right leg is… right now. S: Feel like you’ve been for a swim.
D: You know when you’re in a log flume? D: and then you like, go round a corner, and a little tidal wave just comes over? D: That’s just happened, but it’s all dribble. D: Which is attractive.
Woman: Don’t worry, that wet-jean feeling stays with you alll day. D: Good to know ! S: And girls, they’ll be outside in a minute. D: …making each other wet.
S: Okay S: Let’s… go over to S: Rory Mcgrath. Ready? D: Mhmm! Tape: The [???] you can taste.
Tape: [other person] That’s not too bad at all. Tape: Well have another sip, then, and tell me what you think of it, first. Tape: Tell us what you think
Tape: [other person] Not bad, i think i’m definitely a cockaholic ! all: *laughing*
woman: He’s missed the bin totally! S: the bin is just… no actual point of the bin at all.
D: I- I just… S: This floor is a health and safety nightmare.
P: I wasn’t even- !! No… D: What context could he have possibly said that —
S: I don’t know. Woman: He was talking about beer!
S: Oh, beer. Yes, there was a beer called that, yeah. D: Ohh, right. S: Okay, obviously? D: I just…
Woman: Are you not into your real ales? *laughing* P: Obviously not.
D: Obviously that was not where my mind was going. S: One more?
S: Oh, we’ll do a couple more. D: Oh, no. S: Cause you might as well, you’re wet now, so, there’s no point. S: Here we go… Dan and Phil on Innuendo Bingo! Tape: When it comes to navigation, can I point out that we’re entering the hoe that day All competitors please, entering the hoe that day from the big entrance! S: …small dribble. S: Okay.
P: (to dan) You survived ?! Woman: He’s had spit strings on his chin for the last 10 minutes. P: Can’t wait to see that in slow motion. S: Do you want another one Dan?
Woman: That is hot ladies. S: Try again. Over 3000 feet in the air. It’s the first time 59 year old Fiona McArthur has ever been winched. *spit water* Woman: That’s not even one. *laughter* S: That’s why I like it so much because it doesn’t even make sense. P: What does it mean? S: OK.. one more?!
D: I have just lost everything. S: One more? P: One more OK. S: OK more water please.
Woman: Any dignity you had is now gone. D: I know. S: OK. Now we’re going b.. *laughter* Woman: This is quite interesting for me and Chris because we never normally get to watch it. S: We’re going back over to TV’s The Cube. The gap between the balls and the hole seems a lot lot further than what it did out there. *laughter* D: I tried!
P: We tried so hard. S: Right I think that’s more than enough Innuendo Bingo. S:Thank you if you watched Dan and Phil on the Radio One website or the BBC red button. S: Would you play again though? D: Er yeah maybe.
P: Yeah yeah I’d play. D: After we have spent a couple months drying I think.
S: Sure. S: Thank you if you uh watched and listened. *dramatic music plays* Da da didilly da da doo do ba dee da dee. FEAST YER EYES! *EXPLOSION* D: Phil go over there and stand in front of the castle. P: OK.
D: OK yep. D: Now.. point at your crotch. P: Really?!
D: Do it. D: And now dance. Sexily. D: Slower and sexier. D: Oh yeah! Just click that box to subscribe to my channel if you want to see more of my videos. P: There’s people watching. D: There is a new.. keep dancing! D: New video every Thursday. Just click on the box.. *laughter* But yeah I’ve only actually ever been to Scotland one other time which is when I went to go see Brave with Disney which was really awesome. But they made us do loads of like traditional Scottish things. One of them was mini caber tossing which I was surprisingly good at. Nice toss. *cheering* 90 POINTS! YESSS! 90 points waah! And then archery which I was pretty crap at. (good one Dan) And then then made us do dancing which was just as horrific as it sounds. *bagpipes playing* But yes watching that film and being in Edinburgh all week has made me totally fall in love with Scotland. And Scottish people and their voices. But if you want more Dan and Phil Scotland action. Then we have made four behind the scenes videos for Radio One’s Youtube channel. Which are actually kind of amazing so you should definitely check those out. But yeah so I hope that you enjoyed my um.. facial ejaculation. And I will see you next Thursday! Oh no that sounds about something really rude doesn’t it. Oh god! *music plays* *music intensifies*