Stone Age: Nika Harper, Jesse Cox, and Jordan Maron join Wil Wheaton on TableTop S03E05

Stone Age: Nika Harper, Jesse Cox, and Jordan Maron join Wil Wheaton on TableTop S03E05


– I was about 14 when
I realized that I was a capital G Gamer. After a childhood
spent playing the usual roll your dice and
move your pawn games, I thought that tabletop games
were stupid things for kids, not nearly as interesting
as the facemeltingly amazing graphics and
storytelling in video games like Altered Beast. It only took a couple of
weekends for me to learn that tabletop games
were not stupid, and they were not just for kids. And they could actually
surpass just about any video game in the world, except for the Legend of Zelda, which is perfect in every way
and remains so to this day. Today on TableTop,
we’re playing a game that’s a little heavier
than what we usually play, but I think you’re
all ready for it. Jesse Cox, Nika Harper
and Jordan Maron are here to play a game that I
believe will convert the damn kids today from
button mashing, no-scoping, mother insulting
video gamers into calculating, strategizing,
imaginative tabletop gamers. We’ll have to manage
our resources and
think very carefully about where we
place our workers, if we want to emerge
victorious from the Stone Age. (“TableTop Theme”) Stone Age is a worker placement,
resource management game designed by Bernd Brunnhofer. Each player will guide
their neolithic civilization in the historic
transition from primitive hunter-gatherer
tribes, where we were super healthy egalitarians, into a more civilized era,
where we made weaker minds, build homes of stone and gold, while the peasants farmed
dirt to barely survive. Ah, progress. In order to build the
homes that we want over here, for points, we
need to gather the resources in the recipes printed
on their tiles. And to gather these resources,
wood, brick, stone and gold, we need to send our workers
to specific locations around the board to strip
the land of its goods. Once the workers are assigned
to their working spots, it’s time to harvest. So, you see these
little circles? This is where we
place our dudes, and to determine how
much stuff we actually bring back to the tribe,
we roll these dice here. One die for each
dude in a location. For example, I have
four little guys here trying to deforest
this region for wood. So, I’m gonna roll four dice
and then consult a formula, to determine how much I get. There is a ton of
strategy in Stone Age, from leveling up your technology to control the
variance of the dice, buying civilization cards
to make our people happy, to spending time
upping our farming to feed our daily food needs. Stone Age ends when one
stack of these housing tiles is empty, or if we
run out of these extremely powerful
civilization cards. When we’re at game end,
we’ll score bonus points for having each of these
gifts of civilization. Reach into your TARDIS console, and set a course for 20,000 BCE. It’s time to head back
into the Stone Age. – Hello, I am Nika Harper, I am a video host and
independent author. – I’m Jesse Cox, you
might know me from other things on Geek
and Sundry I’ve ruined. – My name is Jordan Maron, on YouTube I go by
CaptainSparklez, and I make videos primarily
on video game stuff. – Hello everyone,
it’s Stone Age. Normally in Stone Age, the
youngest player goes first. This is a thing I
don’t like at all, on account of I’m never
the youngest player in a game on this show. So, we did our normal first
player selection method, which is to grab one
meeple of each color, shake them up, and then choose
the one that falls out first. (laughs) As that
turns out, it’s me. So, I’m going to go first. I’m very much torn between
tool development area or get some stone for free area. They’re both very good. How much I can… Don’t even try, Jesse Cox.
(Nika laughs) – [Wil] How much I can go.
– Go on. – This is tough.
– Already trolling. – Alright, I’m
putting my guy here. I am going here for tools. Jesse, it’s your placement, where are you going to
put your worker face? – Well.
– And if you need to put your worker face
on a part of the board that you can’t reach, I
will place it for you. – What? – So you don’t have to stand up. – What? – I know, this is about sitting
down and not exercising, so. – The lap of luxury, go on. Wow, Mr. Wheaton, I would
love it if you could place this where
the farm man goes. – Of course, absolutely, you
are in the agriculture hut. Jordan, where are
you going to go? – Don’t do it, don’t do it. – I’m not making babies,
you can, that’s all you. – Good, I’m making babies. I’m last, and I thought
I wouldn’t be able to. – I would like to
get free stone. – [Wil] Yeah? Alright.
– [Nika] Ooh, that’s such a… – [Wil] Alright, very good. – I went for the stone spot,
the civilization card at first, because Jesse had the
farm, Wil had the tools, didn’t wanna take the
baby spots from Nika, she likes her babies, so I figured that was
the best spot for me. – I like how you actually
said both of your plays, and then I immediately
discounted them in my mind. – Yeah? – I was like, you’re
probably gonna make the right decisions.
– Yeah. – And then you talked
about which decisions you were going to
make, and I was like “I don’t care, babies!” – Just make ’em, put ’em down. – [Nika] I’m doing
that right now. – [Wil] Alright. – My basic strategy
for playing Stone Age is, I don’t know, I
think just Zerging. Which is just making as
many people as possible. I don’t know what to do with
them, but I’m gonna make ’em. – Um, I think that I am going to head out here and
pick up a wagon with some lottery happening.
– [Nika] Ooh! – [Wil] Now what can
I do for you, sir? – I have a proposition
for you two. – Okay. – We have a history of
losing to this gentleman. – Are you gonna start
colluding against me already? – I propose a beatin’ and
defeatin’ Wil Wheaton pact. Today, where we pur… I like how I got
through the one thing… – You can’t even say
it, because you know how horrible and evil
and wrong it is! – All I’m saying is, I’ve
been looking at the board, and I noticed that there’s
a lot of that going on, but there’s no
resources to put there, which means I would like
to put all four of these on wood, sir, if you
would be so kind. – [Nika] And you’re expecting… – My expectation is someone
else will put stuff on wood, thus preventing him from
getting the materials he needs with which to defeat us. Beatin’ and defeatin’
Wil Wheaton pact was created the minute I
found out that I would be playing again with Nika Harper. Last time we were on together,
we were defeated by Wil. – To 52, and holy (beeps) I won. – I came in second! – [Nika] I beat Jesse! – [Kumail] Oh, you came in last! This is a good story! – It’s nothing personal,
but I don’t want to be the first person
he defeats twice. Not today, not today, sir,
I will not lose again. – I want you to remember that you started this. You see this red behind me? That’s actually being
projected out of the back of my angry head. Now we find ourselves at an
interesting juncture now. – We do. I’m gonna play the
selfish game, sorry. We’re going for the clay. – [Nika] Oh, okay. – [Wil] You’re all
in for the clay? – [Jordan] Yep.
– [Nika] He’s all in on clay. – [Wil] You got it. – Wow, this is getting
fierce already. – I sorta knew beforehand Jesse
was gonna go for that pact. I thought maybe he’d try
to slither his way in and then backstab
Wil in the end. I mean, hey, his approach
is pretty over the top and straightforward. – Let’s see, I have
exactly three guys. – [Wil] Yeah, you’re gonna go. – There’s exactly three spots. – You’re gonna go there
instead of feeding the babies that
you’re gonna make? That’s the choice that
you’re gonna make? – I have free feed
for like two rounds. – [Wil] Oh no,
yeah, no, sure, yep – [Nika] I think I’m
doing okay with this. – [Wil] Nope, that’s
absolutely right. All I’m saying is, I have a
murder list and a party list, and at the moment
there is one person on each of those lists. – I have an interesting
thing to do. You know what I’m going to do? Only two.
– [Jesse] Ooh. – There is still
one opportunity, should you be
interested in taking it. – [Wil] Oh sure, yeah, okay. – And that could give you
actually quite a bit of wood. – In your mind, what
made that less worse? Where would, cause really
you just didn’t commit to being an awful person,
but you’re kinda bad. – Everyone in the world
is on my party list until they cross me, at
which point they’re put on the murder death list. Once you’re on the
murder death list, the only way to get off of it… You’re never getting off
my murder death list. That’s why it’s a
murder death list. – You’re kind of a bad person. – She’s treading lightly. – You guys both have beards, you guys are
probably the enemies, like the actual villains here. – That’s goatees,
that’s goatees, miss. – I am in fact
going to play here. Oh it’s back to you,
where are you going to put your final person? – Oh it’s me again isn’t it? – Yeah, it sure is. – Uh, hunting! I’m hungry! – I will close out
some of the brick. So as the kahuna, that’s
who I am at the moment. I will remove my guys first. I’m going to start by taking
my tool worker, I suppose. So we comes back to my
village and he’s like “Hey guys, look, I
figured out that if you “put a heavy thing on
the end of a stick, “it can wack stuff!” – Dude! None of us know this
yet, by the way. – Crazy!
– [Wil] Right? And everybody in
the tribe was like “Show me how that
works, it’s confusing.” and he’s like “Alright,
meet me in the forest. “It’s very crowded
with a bunch of dicks, “but come up there anyhow.” So, I’m gonna roll
one die for this guy. And I’m gonna roll
and see what happens. I’ll tell you what,
if I roll a six, you’re off the
hook, you are not. – Why? Oh my God! There was no way out
of this situation, it was either Jesse or you. – Because you had a choice. – I knew that evil Wil existed, but this is a whole
new side of it. I’ve never seen
it directed at me. I am, I was made
to have a choice. – You chose poorly. – There was no way
out of this situation that would make both
of you not hate me, so I just… – Look I just want
this to be a six – [Wil] Oh! – But oh, wait,
wait, wait, wait! (Nika laughs) – What’s so interesting
about this is that I’ve upgraded it to
a six with my tool, which allows me to get two wood, because we divide that by three. I like to go tech, because
it lets me rely less on rolling high on the dice, and it allows me to
invest fewer workers in resource gathering. – Congrats. – Okay, that’s very nice. – What I did was
I was nice to you, I still let you have the
wood, you don’t understand. – [Wil] I’m going to take
this wood down to the shore, where I’m going to
turn it into a boat. – [Jesse] And give us
some resources, please. – And now, I will
find out what happens. We’re gonna roll four dice. – We’re going to the
bazaar, yeah, I like this. – Yeah, I like
getting free stuff. – [Jordan] I like it. – We didn’t have to pay for
it, I mean, we just get stuff. – [Wil] Five, four, two, two. As I have the honor
of choosing first, I will upgrade my tool
to a two point tool. What would you like? – Gold.
– [Jordan] Gold rims? – There’s your brick, to
no Nika, that’s for you. Now I’m going to roll
two dice for my guys that are out digging
around for clay. – See, you still
do hate him, right? I’m sorry. – [Wil] Wow. – [Jesse] Aw!
– [Jordan] Whoa! – Twelve! I’m glad that I
have not made myself an enemy of the guy with a
tool and a bunch of brick, is all I’m saying. That’s, that’s alright. – [Jesse] I’m in
a good spot, here. – Mr. Jesse Cox. – I would like to, uh, first. – Choke on it.
(Nika makes gibberish sounds) – I will not, for you
see I shall construct a wooden ware with all
of the wood I get. Okay, by the power
of woodhackery. – [Jordan] Not too bad. – [Jesse] 12. – Is it safe to presume
that you’re gonna bring your agriculture guy back? – I am, I will take him
and get one agriculture. – [Wil] Alright,
Jordan, would you move his agriculture
up one please? – The strategy of
farming is more about preventing other
people from getting it. So I am preventing anyone
else from getting food and I am going to,
at the same time, get as much food as I can. – I’ll go clay
first, we’ve got… – Alright. – Come on.
– [Nika] I’ve gotta see this. – Ooh. – So you get three bricks. I presume you’re gonna
spend one of your bricks. – [Jordan] I will spend one. – [Wil] Down here.
– [Jordan] Yep. – [Wil] Very good,
there you are. You have a wheelbarrow, and
you get two stone for that. – Okay, where do I start? Let’s start with babies. – [Wil] Well first of all, let’s
put a little baby down here next to your people. – Who’s a little worker? – Yeah, roll one
dice for hunting. – Okay, okay, pow! Let’s hope this is amazing.
– [Jesse] One. – [Nika] It’s so amazing! – You’re gonna get three
food, that’s fantastic, thats the most food you
could’ve gotten on that roll. – Cha cha cha
cha-cha cha cha-cha. – Yeah, great, well that’s
a thing that you need on account of you are… – Breeding.
– Yes. – Aggressively.
– Agree, yes. – Yes that is how I do this. – How does one
aggressively breed? – You wanna find out?
– [Jesse] No! – Wow, that’s just…
– I’m horrified! All I wanted to do was
make a pact to beat him, I didn’t want to
do anything else. – I was talking about beating
him too, for the record. – That, that, wow, that
escalated very quickly. – Go on. – It’s super at four. – That’s a four and
a one, that’s a five, and you’re gonna get one wood. – Thank you for
helping me with math. – You’re welcome. – Because reasons. – Um, there’s your
people come back. So now, we will feed our people. Um, my tribe is five, so
it’s gonna cost me five food to feed my tribe. So my tribe is fed. Alright, now Jesse, you
have an agriculture of one, so you actually
get paid one food. – Paid in berries? – Which is terrific, so
you’re paying a net four to feed your family, and
it’s going to cost you five. – Yep.
– [Wil] To feed your tribe. – I’m a six, by the way. – And we appreciate that. Everyone is all fed,
so now some new guys have come out here. So, I will now pass
the role of kahuna to the traitor, Jesse Cox. – The traitor king speaks. (Nika laughs) I wish to farm once more. – [Wil] Ah.
– [Nika] Ooh! – [Jordan} Ah, man. – This is a very
different strategy than I expected from you. – Alright, and what is
your move, Mr. Jordan? – I’m gonna start off
with tools, right there. – Miss Nika, where
are you going? – Nobody stopped me from this. It’s a good day to be me. I would like that
one right there. – [Wil] Yep, that
is, that’s very good, especially because of the
bonuses you are keen to inherit. – On my turn, I’m also gonna
follow you down to the shore. – C’mon down! – And I’m gonna come
down here, because I would love to learn about
the fertility goddess, and I would also love
to increase my tools, because I think tools are neat. – Back to wood, please. – [Wil] Terribleness, alright. – What I’m doing you see, is called Cox blocking. It’s a thing I’m very good at. I’ve noticed wood is
the cheapest, most
effective resource, and the more that I can take, and the less other
people can get, hopefully the better
it will be for me. – [Wil] Where you going, Jordan? – Now let it be known,
this is nothing personal. I’m just lacking some
wood on my board here. – Well, I’m certainly
happy to be involved in getting you wood. – [Nika] I would
actually like to do… – [Jesse] Babies.
– Babies. – I can’t afford the
babies right now. – Oh yes you can. – But I’m not sure… – [Jesse] You can
always afford babies. – I’m afraid I
can’t, to be honest. – Babies, babies. – I mean, it’s lonely out there. We’ve got an entire world and
between Nick and Jesse and I we’ve only got 15, we
need some more company. She seems more than
eager to do it. – I want to be responsible,
I’m gonna do it. – [Jesse] Yeah! – [Nika] I’m so mad at you guys. – [Jordan] Make the
world a better place. – I just feel really pressured
to make children right now. I didn’t even know
that was an option, to like not, just
stack children. I thought that that was a thing. – I am done. – [Nika] Looking pretty
sweet over there. – [Jordan] We’re
gonna make a hut. – Alright, guys. Get out your sharpened
twigs and sticks and things. We are going to
find some mammoths. – I’m going to do
something which is in fact a little risky. – Uh oh. – I’m gonna come down
here and I’m gonna try, I’m going to consider
purchasing that hut. Alright, so I believe has
everyone placed their workers? – Yes. – Alright, kahuna,
you have the honor, what will you do first? – I will first procure
my farmer, who has… – [Wil] Alright, your farmer’s
coming off alright very good. – Then I shall… – [Wil] Oh, you’re
all in on wood. – All in. – Yes.
– Shocking. – That’s how I work. – [Wil] 13 gets you… Four woods. – Alright, so Jordan. – I could start off
by getting my tool. – Alright, very well. Here you go. – I’ll build my hut. – [Wil] Alright, build that hut. Let’s see the resources
to make that hut happen. – Build that hut! (Wil laughs) – So that costs you
two stone and a brick. – I think my main strategy is
go for the civilization cards, and go for the huts. – Uh, so now I assume you’re
going to go to the forest and oh, you have a tool now! – I do. – Wow, you’re going
to upgrade yourself from punching trees to hitting
trees with a rock on a stick. – Nine. – [Wil] Nine can
bump that up to ten. – That won’t do anything. – It doesn’t do you any good. – So three pieces of wood. – Three pieces of
wood, coming your way. Nika, guess what’s happening? – Is that some
Barry White I hear? (Wil makes baby cries) Oh, it’s not Barry White at all. (Makes baby cries) – Now get to work, kid. – I don’t care if
your lungs are black, go back to the mine! – Father, I’m here
to work for you, wah! – Now you’re probably,
you wanna go hunting? – Yeah, I got to.
– Yeah, I figured. – How many is that again? It was three? – That’s three.
– [Jesse] Three. – (sings) Three, three dice! Let’s make this happen, guys! – [Jordan] Was that
their hunting song? – Remember last time? Yeah. Alright.
– Ten. – Ten’s not bad.
– [Jordan] Get some fish! – [Wil] Five, yeah
take some fish. – [Jordan] You’ve
upgraded from the… – [Wil] That’s a
thing that you need. You know, honestly, I
feel like, like the dice are just encouraging
you to breed, by enabling you to keep
making more babies, and I’m not in favor
of that policy. – [Nika] It’s pretty
much the best. – So now I have an interesting
choice to make here, kids at home. So, I really want
to get this hut, and I really wanna get
this hut for four brick, because it’s gonna get me
16 points, which is great. So, what I have to decide is, am I going to risk two
brick and come down here and spend those two brick
on this guy to get a tool, or am I gonna come
up here first, attempt to get an
additional three brick, so that I have enough. We have to commit our workers
before we ever touch the dice, so if we don’t have
enough resources to get a hut or a boat, we have
to hope that we will be able to roll enough, and
then it becomes a math problem. My expectation on this, rolling three dice plus two is for 15, 17, divided
by three, is 15. (whispers numbers under breath) – [Wil] Uh, I think…
– He’s lost it. It’s like eighth grade
math all over again. Hopefully the teacher
won’t call on me. Okay, I’m good, yeah. – I’ve calculated a risk, and now I’m taking
that calculated risk, so these guys are out here,
they’re digging for bricks. So let’s see how that
works out for me. We’ll find out if
maybe my risk pays off, or I’m a dumbass, let’s see. (gasps) Oh, that’s terrible. That’s really, really awful. So I get one brick,
which is, that’s awful. That’s a super
disappointing roll. – It saddens me greatly. – Yeah, and it’s a super bummer
that I can’t get that hut, but whatever that was a
chance that I was taking, and it just didn’t
quite work out. My turn is done. Jesse, feed your people, please. – Uh, I get two. – You get two back, so it’s
a net three that it costs for you to feed your tribe.
– Oh, okay. – I get no discounts. – [Wil] Jordan it
costs you five to feed. Right, so you’ve
fed your people. Nika, it costs you a million. – Okay, how much do you want. – It costs you seven
to feed your things. So it costs you a
fish and mushrooms, and then it costs me some fish to feed my crew, so I’ve
gone ahead and done that. Now we need to move
these guys down and reload, and Jordan,
you’re now the kahuna. – I’m going for the food.
(Nika grunts) – Looked like you were grabbing
two to make another baby. – No, I think i am, actually.
– [Jordan] Make another baby. – There’s other
resources in this game? I thought it was
just boning and food. – [Jesse] Six!
– Ready, cursed. – Your curses are great! – [Wil] 24 additional points. – Welcome to Metropolis. – Polish mine a little
bit more though, so it looks prettier. – You do, eh? In your window! – Oh my God, I really
need this to be delicious. That’s pretty good!
– [Jordan] Wow. – [Wil] Well, 14. – Obviously I’m gonna
improve my tool. – [Wil] Alright,
flip your tool over. – At tech level four, basically
I’ve got like a chainsaw, but it’s like got
diamond blades on it. – And you guys are
all afraid of me. – I was never afraid of you. – Damn! – You don’t have any food? – I don’t. I’m out of food, so I’m
gonna need to throw some hunters into the mix. – And I believe everyone’s
workers are out. So, first I will pay a stick so that I can
get this guy here. I’ve learned the
beauty of music, which is lovely. I’ve also managed to
get myself three points. – [Jordan] On the board, woo!
– [Wil] On the board! Not in last place! Woo! – Wait a minute, that’s me. I feel really bad for
that green, that’s me, I’m the green spot. All man, I’m last. – And now I am going
to buy this boat. Maybe not the best thing in the
world to over pay for it now but it does get me some points. – [Jesse] Now he has 16 points. – Yeah, that’s absurd. – Which I desperately need. – So now you roulette.
– Yay! – I am on an express
train to Loserville. So now…
– General store! – I’ll go ahead and do this. – Okay, I am going to try
my hardest for some wood. (Nika laughs) Look, I’m gonna shake
it as hard as I can. – Yep, yep.
– And hope to get some wood. – Cox going for the wood. – Four – I’ll take, you know what? – You probably should’ve
tried harder for wood. – One wood is what
I need, I’m fine. (Nika giggles) Then, one man.
– [Wil] Yes! – [Jesse] In the wilderness.
– [Wil] Yeah. – Can he roll a two or above? (Nika laughs)
– Let’s find out. It’ll be really interesting. – And you’re getting
at least one food. – Cursed! I cursed you, not the dice. Oh my God! I told you, I am a wizard!
– That’s the trick. That’s the trick, no
the trick is to curse, to curse the guy, not the cup. – Come on, yak cup! Go yak cup! – Alright, flip it, flip it. – I, I, I…
– You wanna know what I am? – [Jesse] Get behind me!
– I’m a wizard! – Get behind me, witch! – Cursed, cursed. Eh. – [Wil] There’s two
more wood for you. – (sighs) I’m sure Nika
thinks she’s a wizard, but I think she’s
more of a witch, with a B. (Nika laughs) – Oh. – Let’s see, what are we
starting out with, farm? – [Wil] Yep, go ahead and
grab your farm guy back, and increase your farm by
one, very good, nice, okay. – [Nika] I have
zero farm. (laughs) – You will continue
to have zero farm. – [Nika] Doing great, guys. – Come on 12. (Nika laughs) Can you put good magic on? – Nope. – Why? – [Jesse] No. – [Nika] What’s in it for me? – We’re good.
– [Nika] Alright, alright. – [Wil] So that’s
eight for food. – The lone sound of one. – What is the sound of
one die rolling, master? – I get one stone. – You get one stone, sure do. – Use it, grab another.
– Honestly, grats. – [Wil] And now. – And now I’m going
to build my huts. – Okay, alright, nice. Well done, there’s this guy. Nika, so where you starting, are you starting
out in the forest? – Making it rain food
for a little bit. – Okay, very good. – You need to learn a
lesson here, four ones. Hard lesson. – Right, ha-ta, come on! Eh, that’s alright. – Uh, eight, 12, I
guess now you’re gonna go try to chew down a tree? – (grunts) I’m just gonna gnaw
away at that for a little bit. Ta-ta, alright! – 11, 12, 13, 14 is
gonna get you four woods. – One, two, three, four. – I was unsure of my math
if you couldn’t tell there. – That was good, I would’ve
agreed to anything at that point like yeah, eh, eh. – Yeah, no that sounds
good, you sound like a confident guy who knows
what he’s talking about. – [Jesse] He’s got flutes! – Yeah, sure alright,
let’s feed our tribe. – [Nika] No tools,
no structures, and
nothing but babies. I think I’m actually rabbits,
I am a rabbit. (laughs) – Okay, Woody McWooderton.
– Weepy McWillow. All I need is three
pieces of wood in order to prevent Nika
from enjoying herself. – Why?
– Come on! – Larchy McLarcherson.
– Pointy McPinetree. – Everything’s about space
when you’re Wil Wheaton, you can quote me on
that, oh (beeps). (group laughs) (slurs) Everything
is about space! Your face yearns about space. Birchy Birch Birchalot.
– Engusa, English Oak. – I think it’s time.
– I should shut up. Alright, come on wood dice! No whammies!
– Triple snake eyes. – Six, nine, you can make a ten, it doesn’t matter,
you get three woods. – One return. – [Wil] You’re gonna
turn one into a boat. Very well, alright, so now
roll four dice to find out what happens, like to
call it the boat market. What happens at the boat market? – [Jordan] Ooh.
– [Jesse] Six! – [Wil] Many good things
for everyone except me. – [Jesse] Wow. – It’s amazing that
the dice hate me even when I’m not rolling them. Super. – That lonely sound of one. – [Wil] Yep, here it goes. – [Nika] Hunting! – [Wil] Uh, that gets you two. – [Nika] Nice. – [Jordan] Eight, plus. – And you can just add
five to that, which is 13. – Now I’m gonna turn around
and use all five of my wood on that hut. – [Wil] Okay, so that hut is
now worth 15 points to you. – [Nika] Wow. – And now Nika, you are up. – Let’s with baby making first! You wanna, would
you do the honors? Midwife Wheaton. – That’s what I’m doing. – Are you going to hunt now? – Yes.
– Alright. – I believe that I
shall hunt first. – Yes, very well, okay. Do you have enough dice? Are there enough dice in
this game for you to hunt with your hunting guys? – There should be
other games around, to just, in case we
need to borrow a few. – We can just pull
them. (laughs) – [Wil] Oh God. You’re at five,
go ahead and roll. – [Jesse] Nika babies! – Bam! – What? (laughs) – How is that even possible? – [Nika] I am such a wizard! – [Jordan] 22. – You get 11 food. If I may dust off an old gem, this is bull (beeps). – Okay.
– Okay, and now are you going to pay four for that guy? – [Nika] Absolutely.
– [Wil] Okay. Now, I will bring
this worker back, and he’s going to
upgrade my tool from a three to a four,
which is fantastic. These three guys here are going to go do
a little quarry-ing for some stone. – [Jesse] Wow.
– Oh my heavens. – Alright, well
you’ve had the four, it could’ve been worse. (beeps) – [Wil] Stone on
three (beeps) guys, which is super (beeps) great. I’ve been responsible,
I’ve put education first. Meanwhile, I live next
door to (beeps) Mc(beeps), who’s just like, “Oh,
a baby! Oh, a baby! “Oh, a baby! Here’s a baby! “Oh no, how am I gonna get food? “How am I gonna feed this
other (beeps) baby I made? “Oh, I know!” (soft piano music) Foods just gonna (beeps)
fly out of the sky. (soft piano music) And oh, I don’t have
enough for that after all, because it’s TableTop
and I’m rolling dice. – This maybe, this is
all my fault, I admit it. (Wil makes beeping sounds) – Well, me from a month ago? Hello? Is this Wil
Wheaton from the future? Remember how you thought
playing stone age was gonna be super fun, because
it’s a great game that you love and you actually have
a chance at winning? Yes, tell me, how does
the game work out? Don’t do it, don’t do it! Oh and also make
sure that you pick up Stone IPI on the way
home, because you’re out. Hello? Hello? Future me’s a jerk. Hey everybody let’s
feed our families. I’m sure that’s gonna
be really hard for you, because you have so many of ’em. – I might go full.
– [Jesse] Wow. – Don’t judge me! I’m at a certain point where
I don’t know anything else to do except make babies. But apparently, this is working. – These two stone on a boat. I’m not real crazy
about having to go for civilization points,
but it’s pretty much all I can do at this point. Hopefully it will work. I’d say you got 10. – 56, 71.
– [Wil] Alright. There’s so much
comeuppance on me, I feel like I’ve played
Stone Age Bukkake. – And I helped! – It’s going, it’s going,
oh it could anywhere. Where’s it going?
– Where’s it going? – No, it’s certainly not. – Man, that rabbit sure
does love to waste time. – I’m going to end
the game right now. This has to happen. – I don’t want to
spoil the game, but that’s a c-c-c-combo bonus on my houses, and
noone else sees that. I hope that pays off. – So in the end game, I’m
thinking I’m gonna rush huts. Two huts, if I can just
get those two huts, then I think I can take it. We’ll see. – Alright, all of our
guys have been placed. Nika, what order
are you going to make your moves, Miss Harper? – Gold first, do gold. – [Nika] I’m not going
to go gold first. Three. – That’s gonna,
that’ll work for ya. – I’m gonna need some stone. – 13 and stone costs
five, so you get two stone because of course you do. – Because reasons, okay. – Don’t do this to us. Don’t do this to us. – I am so terrified.
^- [Jordan] For once. – [Jesse] Please don’t. Oh thank God. – [Wil] Ten, 15, gets you.
– [Jesse] 16. – 16, because you
have the hammer gets you two gold. – [Jesse] That’s all she needs. – That’s all you needed. (Jordan sighs) – [Nika] Okay, I did this. – These guys come back, alright. – I’m gonna end the game.
– You are. Go ahead.
– Only two, right, right? – [Wil] That costs you…
– [Nika] Tell me I’m not crazy – Yep, that’s an
awfully fancy house. You know what happened? Your giant disgusting
tribe sold a reality show and now you can afford a house. So you are on 15.
– We also became sentient. – [Wil] Plus 14,
gets you to uh, 29. Now you’re gonna
build this house here. – That’s a guy, one, two, three. – Okay, so that’s
that, and gets you another 15, which takes you to…
– [Jesse] That’s disgusting. That’s (grunts). – [Wil] Uh, 29, 39, 44. – Oh my God, the
game’s about to end, am I winning? Is this what winning feels like? – First thing I
will do is have this weird creepy thing show
up, I don’t know what that’s all about,
but that’s strange. – It doesn’t even get to work. – No, it’s fine, I don’t care. Increase my agriculture
by one please, sir, if you would. This guy back to increase
this tool to two, and my turn is done. – Wood, give it to me! – [Wil] Uh, that’s gonna be 11. – And your tool.
^- [Wil] 13, gives you… Four…
– [Jesse] That’s fine. That’s all I need. – Roulette. – Roulette time.
– You got it, yeah, yeah. – Actually first I’ll do this.
– Yep, okay. – Turn that in.
– Yep, okay, you pay for that. You get that boat. – And will you move
me to five on there? – [Wil] Oh that’s a lot of
points for you, yep, alright. – It’s time for roulette. (Nika hums The Price
Is Right theme) – Please, help me out here. – [Jesse] Oh my God. (laughs)
– [Jordan] What? – [Jesse] That’s what I needed! – You get agriculture,
you get agriculture! – Three sixes is
agriculture and this one is a piece of wood. (laughs) – Have you done quite enough? – I think I’ve done
just enough, sir. – [Wil] Great!
– Thank you for inviting me. – Super, okay, terrific,
pass the cup down the table. (beeps) king (beeps) in
the (beeps) noxious (beeps) (soft music) – I have to get lucky
here, so I’m gonna roll for clay first and I
need to get two pieces. – [Jesse] Oh my God.
– [Jordan] Seven. Eight. – You got it, you
got it, you got it. You need to roll. – I just need to roll a one,
’cause I still have that. – [Wil] Yeah. Come on, roll a one! – [Jesse] Hey! – [Jordan] That
was close enough. – You can’t even
roll a one, bro. – [Jesse] Well, and you
got it, you got those two. – I did it, so now I
have, yeah, both the huts. – [Nika] Nice, wow, nice, wow. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. – He may have edged
you out of the lead. – I’m cool with it. – The exact amount
that I needed. – Alright, that,
you’re going to get 12 plus 13 is 25 points. Everyone, the game is over. It is time to total our points. – And one civilization card. – You wrecked us, holy… – [Jordan] Oh.
– [Nika] What is that? – Ladies and gentleman, if I may now announce
the final scoring. In first place, Jordan
Maron, with 119. – I didn’t expect that at all. – Tied for second, so
wonderfully appropriate, Jesse and Nika, and in last
place where I belong… (Nika laughs) (Jesse laughs) – Hey, that means we still won. – [Wil] Jordan, congratulations. – Thank you!
– Yay! – You played a brilliant game, and I will see you
at the Winner’s Wall. (triumphant fanfare) – My friends, because now
that the game is over, we are once again friends. Normally I come here, I
offer some words of comfort to the losers, let them know
that a game was well played, and other platitudes. I will say, you
deserve to be here. I’m so delighted
that you are here. You cannot defeat me, you
can only hope to contain me. I am now going to
the Wall of Victory, and before I leave, I will say please avoid any aggressive
breeding on the couch. – Good job, stay there. – Jordan, you
deserve to be here. – Thank you. – Not because you won the game, because you were the
only player in the game who did not
deliberately target me. – Okay. – Listen, this
season on TableTop, we are doing something very
special for all of our winners. It is my great pleasure
to present to you today the TableTop Trophy of
Awesome, just for you! – This is amazing.
– Right? Yep, I know, you love it, okay. I’m gonna make it even better. I’m going to engrave
your name on it. – That’s an amazing engraver. New technology right there, hmm. – [Wil] There you go.
– [Jordan] That’s beautiful. – If you would like to
make a victory speech, you may do so now. – Um, well, I
somehow won, I guess, and I’m happy about it. Didn’t really know
what I was doing, but I’ll pretend that I did. Great strategies
win great games, thanks everyone. – A magnificent
speech for the ages. Thanks a lot of watching
and until next time, play more games. (8-bit and piano music)