– Hey, I’m Timothy DeLaGhetto. I tried to get some booty
in Las Vegas and failed. Years and years
ago, just turned 21. Me and my three best
friends we were at legal age to go to Las Vegas, turn up. I thought I was cool as shit. Polka dot tie. I had some sunglasses
with white frames. Some matching polka dot Vans. I look back on it
now, we looked dumb. We ’bout to take over Vegas. We’re all gonna go get
some ass this weekend. Me and my four homies all of our money put together for this one room at the Luxor. It’s a pyramid, so
that’s kinda cool. Mind you, we’re broke. We’re not tryin’ to pay
all this money for drinks so we got our little mini-fridge
stoked full of alcohol. Yeah, we got the
new Ciroc Apple. We got the good stuff. We took our last
little bit of money upgraded a little
bit to the hot tub. What girl’s gonna
say no to a hot tub? Free alcohol? The girls are gonna
flock, easy right? That’s not how it
works in Vegas. I’m on the Vegas strip
tryin’ to holler at girls. Rejected. The club.
Rejected. The bar.
Rejected. Denny’s, rejected. I was on an escalator
with my boy Rick. He had a shirt on that
said I love hot moms. Older white lady, she’s
coming up the escalator. Beads, she got her
long drink in her hand. Party mode. She’s like I’m a hot mom. We’re just kinda like, hey! That was the closest we got
to getting type of action. Finally it’s our
last night there. We’re frustrated, we’re
horny, we’re broke. You know what, no. We came all the way out here we paid for the room
with the hot tub we got all this alcohol
that we didn’t even drink. I’m goin’ downstairs,
I’ma find me a lady! I’m not goin’ home
without gettin’ no booty. Walkin’ around the
casino by myself. Polka dots on, lookin’ fly. I see in my periphs a
lovely lady chillin’. Lookin’ cute by herself. This girl maybe got
ditched by her friends. She just wants to
drown her sorrows in some slots machines
and some gambling. I’ma go talk to this girl. I’m like rehearsing my line. Hey, hey how’s your night? Nah, nah, nah, that’s stupid. What’s up, what’s
up, what’s up girl? Hey, hey what are
you up to tonight? Hey, hey what’s goin’ on? Finally I get up the
nerve, I walk up to her. Doin’ some gamblin’? (crickets chirp) She doesn’t look at me once. (imitates slot machine lever) Mm, you know just a little bit. Cool, cool, cool. (imitates slot machine lever) So ah– (imitates slot machine lever) What, what– (imitates slot machine lever) What are doin’? I’ll give you some
different noises, too. Bing! What are you doin’ later? (clicks tongue)
Nothin’. We got a little suite with a
hot tub if you wanna come by get a drink or something,
you’re welcome to. Yeah, get my number. Awesome, dope. Okay well, I’ll text you later. Go upstairs to the homies, boom! Ya boy did it. I hop in the shower, I’m
flossing, I’m tiding up the room with my three friends there in the hot tub
chillin’ with bubbles. And for whatever reason
they didn’t leave. She calls me.
You still wanna hang out? Yeah, of course. Are you gonna take care of me? Are you gonna take care?
What does that mean? Maybe she’s just a strange lovely lady that
says weird things. Or maybe not, she’s asking
if I’ll take care of her because she wants to crash. Girl, of course I’ma
take care of you. I was raised right. Drinks?
I got you. Toothbrush, comfy
shirt to sleep in. Sweet, I hang up. She walks up with two gentleman. Homies, older brother maybe. Just making she got
to the room safe. So I open the door, we
go into the hotel room walks right by the hot tub I’m like those are my friends. She is not phased
by this at all. The fact that she saw
my homies in a hot tub when we were
supposed to be having a romantical night together that’s when it clicked. By herself. (imitates slot machine lever) Are you gonna take care of me? (imitates slot machine lever) With two gentlemen. Bing!
She’s a prostitute. So can I ask you something? This might be weird,
maybe I’m crazy. Are you here ’cause
you wanna hang out or are you lookin’
to get compensated? Well I am an entertainer. Oh my god, oh my god. Just out of curiosity, how much? We don’t talk like that. Okay, so what? Well look, here, here,
how much do you have? (sighs deeply) Well, okay.
We got this suite. There’s a hot tub. We got all this alcohol. 99 cent double
cheeseburger, so nothing. I see.
Well, it was nice meeting you. Yeah, you know, hey
it’s cool, whatever. Walked her out,
passed the homies. I peeked my head back in I’m like she’s a prostitute. My boy Rick, he’s super
excited about this. (excited vocalizations) We’ve never interacted with
a real prostitute before. So he opens up the
door, he’s like yo! Prostitutes are the shit! And she goes, well.
That was nice. Think she was being sarcastic. So I walked her out,
went back in the room and went to the bathroom
and beat my dick. (laughing)